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Yarrick jokes - WestGamer
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 Post subject: Yarrick jokes
PostPosted: Sun Jul 04, 2010 10:17 pm 
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Some of these are hilarious.... Enjoy


*Contrary to popular belief, Commissar Yarrick was born with his battle claw.

*The Warp exists because it's too afraid to be in the same reality as Commissar Yarrick.

*Lord Solar Macharius was Commissar Yarrick's finest student.

*After defeating Ghazghkull Thraka for the second time, Commissar Yarrick built a time machine to travel back in time to just prior to the second war for Armageddon to kill the only enemy capable of giving him a challenge - Himself. The resulting temporal-spatial reality paradox spawned the Tyranids.

*Thought begets heresy. Heresy begets retribution. Commissar Yarrick begets pain.

*There are no gods of Chaos, just Yarrick when he's feeling angry, Yarrick when he's feeling sick, Yarrick when he's feeling manipulative, and Yarrick when he's feeling sexy.

*Abbaddon the Despoiler is actually Yarrick's evil clone

*Sanguinius broke a Bloodthirster's back upon his knee. Horus broke Sanguinius's back upon his knee. The Emperor broke Horus's back upon his knee. Yarrick broke the Emperor's chiropractor's back upon his knee.

*Commissar Yarrick can take a cover save against flamers

*Cypher is the only special character who is NOT Yarrick in disguise. This is because Cypher is lame.

*Commissar Yarrick played Rouge trader and read the Realm of Chaos books before anyone else did.

*There actually are female Space Marines, they've just never seen any reason to leave Hades hive.

*Only Commissar Yarrick may truly judge what is sane.

*Commissar Yarrick sold his soul to Tzeentch for perfect combat skills. He then punched Tzeentch with his battle claw and took his soul back. Tzeentch admitted he should have seen it coming.

*Commissar Yarrick fumigates his house using virus bombs.

*The Tyranids did not come to this galaxy because they consumed their home galaxy. They came here because they were fleeing from Commissar Yarrick. They do not yet know that he arrived in this galaxy ahead of them...

*The Tau earn their names through their deeds. Commander Farsight earned his name for been wise enough to do absolutely everything that Commissar Yarrick told him to do.

*Commissar Yarrick plays Imperial Guard in Warhammer Fantasy. No one questions this.

*Commissar Yarrick's battle claw beats both Drachn'yen and the C'tan phase sword in the 41st millennium's equivalent of rock, scissors paper.

*The Eldar have a legend of the final battle- the Rhana Dandra- when all six of the Phoenix Lords will gather together to defeat Commissar Yarrick. They will fail miserably.

*The Fabricator General of Mars personally hand crafted Commissar Yarrick's Master-crafted storm bolter. He didn't want to.

*The Nightbringer is every race's personification of death. Commissar Yarrick is The Nightbringer's personification of death.

*Commissar Yarrick's Bale Eye can see through time.

*The Chaos Gods considered trying to corrupt Commissar Yarrick. They quickly dismissed the idea and tried Horus instead.

*Commissar Yarrick plays Battlefleet Gothic. He just uses the 40K scale miniature of himself. He usually wins.

*There are actually five Star Gods: The Nightbringer, The Deceiver, The Void Dragon, The Outsider and The Commissar.

*The first line of the Malus Codicium: 'Don't *&@$ with Commissar Yarrick.'

*Commissar Yarrick discovered an ancient copy of the 3rd edition Imperial Guard codex in 998.M41, read it, and then traveled back in time to 006.M3 to kill Andy Chambers.

*Some Thorian Inquisitors once suspected that the Emperor might be an avatar of Commissar Yarrick. When they asked him about this, Yarrick just laughed. Then he killed them.

*The Sister Repentia are made of the women Commissar Yarrick rejected.

*Because of an accident during warp travel, Commissar Yarrick found himself on a Space Hulk with Chuck Norris, Mr T., Vin Diesel and Kyle Katarn. The resulting battle created the Eye of Terror.

*A coven of Daemon Princes was recently discovered by the Inquisition attempting to summon Commissar Yarrick.

*Commissar Yarrick was actually responsible for victory at the First battle for Armageddon as well. Out of pity and kindness he let the Space Wolves take credit for it.

*Commissar Yarrick plays Witch Hunters in Mordheim. This is because they are awesome.

*There is a sign on the gate to Commissar Yarrick's backyard that says 'Beware of the Carnifex.'

*Commissar Yarrick has a Vortex Grenade and the Virus Outbreak strategy card from 2nd edition 40K. Not that he needs them.

*When The Deceiver was beaten by Commissar Yarrick at regicide, it claimed the Yarrick cheated. Yarrick replied by saying the rules were whatever he said they were. Then he killed it.

*The gene seed of the Grey Knights is actually derived from Commissar Yarrick. He is very disappointed in them.

*The God-Emperor is Yarrick's homeboy.

*Commissar Yarrick played Gorkamorka when it first came out, put soon grew tired of it.

*Inquisitor Kryptmann said that the Tyranids to pinnacle of evolution. He had never heard of Commissar Yarrick.

*Commissar Yarrick was once briefly captured by a Dark Eldar Archon, who forced him to fight in the gladiatorial pits of Commerragh. After many easy victories, the Archon decided that the only being in the whole of time and space possibly capable of fighting Yarrick on equal terms was Chuck Norris. The Archon traveled back in time using the Webway, kidnapped Chuck Norris, and brought him to Commerragh, where he was easily defeated by Yarrick. Yarrick apologised for wasting the Archon's time. Then he killed him.

*The Greater Good is whatever Commissar Yarrick says it is.

*Commissar Yarrick has completed the pilgrimage from Ophelia VII to Terra. On Foot.

*Some people say that Commissar Yarrick was infected by a Genestealer. This is a lie. Yarrick made the Genestealer his be-atch.

*Commissar Yarrick has never played Lord of the Rings. This is why no one else does.

*Some Adeptus Custodes once encountered Yarrick and were briefly confused when they thought they had been guarding the wrong guy the whole time. Yarrick killed them for their doubts.

*The Life Eater virus was actually unleashed upon Istvaan IV after Commissar Yarrick sneezed.

*Commissar Yarrick was born in a city called Hades Hive on a planet called Armageddon. 'Nuf said.

*Commissar Yarrik has memorised the rules to Epic 40K

*The warp entity Drachn'yen tried to hide from Commissar Yarrick in Abbaddon's sword.

*Commissar Yarrick gave Asdrubael Vect the Dias of Destruction as a present for his 4th birthday.

*The Warlord Titan rules from Warhammer 40'000 Apocalypse were based on trial rules for Commissar Yarrick from the next edition of the Imperial Guard codex.

*Commissar Yarrick founded the Adeptus Sororitas after punching High Lord Vandire out of office and into the Sun.

*Commissar Yarrick's tears cure Nurgle's Rot. To bad Yarrick never cries. EVER.

*In the early days, the masters of the Officio Assassinorum sent their operatives into battle against Commissar Yarrick as their final test. They quickly realised this was too harsh.

*Commissar Yarrick also holds the ranks of Warmaster, High Lord of Terra, Lord Inquisitor, Chapter Master, Autarch, Warboss, Shas'O, Archon and Hive Tyrant

*Commissar Yarrick plays Inquisitor. His primary character is a kind and gentle civilian who abhors violence, never carries a weapon, likes Orks and has a very small and weak right arm.

*Games Workshop shut down their official forums after Commissar Yarrick ordered them too. Apparently, someone had taken His name in vain.

*Commissar Yarrick's force field does not stop bullets. They stop themselves in fear when they realise who they're about to hit.

*Some believe that Yarrick's Commissar cap is the source of his powers. This has never been confirmed as everyone who has ever looked at his cap is dead.

*And they shall know no fear (except Commissar Yarrick)

*Commissar Yarrick is and independent character and follows all the rules for characters in the Warhammer 40'000 rulebook. Yarrick wrote that book.

*Games Workshop modelers radically changed the design of Commissar Yarrick's battle claw after 2nd edition because Yarrick himself appeared through a warp portal to show them up close what it really looked like.

*Commissar Yarrick plays Space Hulk. He just deploys the 40K scale miniature of himself, and all the Genestealers leap out the airlocks.

*Commissar Yarrick once got out of bed, had toast for breakfast, then went down to the shops to buy some milk. The most ancient legends of the Eldar dimly recall this event as the War in Heaven.

*The second war for Armageddon actually ended when Ghazghkull Thraka and his entire Waaargh surrendered unconditionally.

*Commissar Yarrick calls them The Young Ones.

*The only way Commissar Yarrick can communicate with lesser beings is to use a Neural Shredder on himself after breakfast to bring himself down to their level. The effects wear off by mid morning.

*Commissar Yarrick knows the identity of the two missing 1st Founding Space Marine Legions and their Primarchs. But he's not telling.

- On his birthday, Yarrick chooses one lucky ork to throw into the sun.
- Commissar Yarrick needs no ship to travel across the galaxy,
he just shoots a hole into space with his laser eye and takes a step into the warp where the Emperor comes to personally point him in the direction of his desired destination.
- When Yarrick plays Jenga, he takes the bottom logs out, and it doesn't fall until the other player touches it.
- Yarrick doesn't sleep, 
he waits.
- "Warp Storms" are more commonly referred to as "Yarrick Farts."
- Commissar Yarrick can drop-pod deepstrike without a drop pod.
- Commissar Yarrick can kill two stones with one bird.
- Every night, Khorne checks his closet for Yarrick.
- When submitting a design brief for a new Titan-class weapon, all the experts sent in was a picture of Commissar Yarrik.
- Someone once said they saw Yarrick win a game of Connect-Four in three moves.
- When Yarrick gives an order, even inanimate objects obey.
- When Yarrick gets mad, time itself flees from his wrath.
- Guardsmen have faith in the Emperor. The Emperor has faith in Yarrick.
- Horus betrayed the Emperor to flee from the coming of Yarrick. 
- The universe destroyed the eldar to make room for Yarrick.
- The chaos gods reside in the warp, all to hide from Yarrick.
- Commissars used to wear flak jackets and three-point caps. They changed to the current look to imitate what Yarrick wore.
- Commissar Yarrik doesn't get dressed in the morning. He stares at his clothes, which fly onto his body out of sheer terror.
- Commissar Yarrick travels the galaxy in an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
- Commissar Yarrick doesnt wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
- There are two types of people in the world... people that suck, and Commissar Yarrick.
- In the grim darkness of the far future there is only Yarrick.
- Commissar Yarrick can slam a revolving door.
- Commissar Yarrick is what Khorne wants to be when he grows up.
- When performing an Exterminatus on a damned planet, an Inquisitor has three weapon choices. They are cyclonic torpedoes, virus bombs, and Yarrick.
- The last thing going through the minds of Yarrick's enemies was his Powerklaw.
- If at first you don't succeed, you're obviously not Commissar Yarrick.

- Sticks and stones may break your bones, but a Bale Eye glare will liquefy your kidneys.
- Roses are red, violets are blue,
Yarrick doesn't care if this rhymes, He just wants to kill you.
- When someone stubs their toe, they curse. When Yarrick stubed his toe, it destroyed Hades Hive.
- Commissar Yarrick once picked a fight with an eldar craftworld. He punched it so hard that it got stuck in the webway and all of its citizens went completely insane. That was how commoragh was created.
- Yarrick is so tough that inside his coat, there's no torso. Just more fists. That's how he wields four weapons, the bale eye, and grenades...
- If you don't empty your plate, Yarrick will come and get you.
- Commissar Yarrick once took an entire bottle of sleeping pills, they made him blink
- This is an artist's rendition of Yarrick sneezing.

- Yarrick can travel faster than light. He just glared at the theory of relativity and it backed down.
- Commissar Yarrick once spent a day playing blood bowl, in the end they just begged him to take the trophy in order to reduce the casualty rates.
- Spacemarines launch entire squads in boarding actions, yarrick goes alone.
- Yarrick can outbluff the Deciever in a game of poker.
- A titan once tried to stand on yarrick...it was never seen again.
- When Yarrick offers to scratch your itch, politely decline.
- Abadon once cancelled a Black Crusade because he heard Yarrick was waiting.
- Yarrick refers to the third war for Armegeddon as "what i did on my holidays" 
- The Fallen aren't running from the Dark Angels they're running from Yarrick.
- During training Yarrick executed his instructor for cowardice.
- An arbites judge once pulled Yarrick over for speeding.
Yarrick let him off with a warning.
- When Yarrick farts Nurgle reaches for the air refresher.
- Yarrick doesn't drive a tank he just tells it to move.
- People invented cars so they could get away from Yarrick faster then normal.
Not wanting to waste his time in running or blinking them to death,Yarrick invented the car accident.
- After Yarrick watched "The Ring," the phone rang and he won $200.
- Commissar Yarrick grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his rage.
- Slanesh once tried to seduce yarrick, now slannesh worships yarrick and does all his cooking and cleaning as well as makes sandwiches.
- For Yarrick, the cake is not a lie.

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 Post subject: Re: Yarrick jokes
PostPosted: Sun Jul 04, 2010 11:12 pm 
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Are the jokes coming soon?

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 Post subject: Re: Yarrick jokes
PostPosted: Mon Jul 05, 2010 12:34 am 
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Quote:
Are the jokes coming soon?
OWWWWW!!! Snap

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 Post subject: Re: Yarrick jokes
PostPosted: Mon Jul 05, 2010 5:57 pm 
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Quote:
Are the jokes coming soon?
You just got here :mrgreen:

But yeah, some were funny, but most were obviously just recycled Chuck Norris jokes...

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 Post subject: Re: Yarrick jokes
PostPosted: Mon Jul 05, 2010 6:12 pm 
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 Post subject: Re: Yarrick jokes
PostPosted: Sun Aug 29, 2010 1:47 pm 
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Funny :)

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 Post subject: Re: Yarrick jokes
PostPosted: Sun Aug 29, 2010 2:28 pm 
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Awesome! :lol:


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 Post subject: Re: Yarrick jokes
PostPosted: Thu Sep 02, 2010 9:20 am 
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Quote:
- Every night, Khorne checks his closet for Yarrick.
That is hillarious! :lol:

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 Post subject: Re: Yarrick jokes
PostPosted: Sat Sep 11, 2010 8:41 pm 
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Quote:
*Commissar Yarrick plays Imperial Guard in Warhammer Fantasy. No one questions this.
Hahahahaha...hahaha...haha...ha...

Coolest character... ever!

I'll get his chariot finished soon. Promise.

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