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Validus Kantus Space Marines - WestGamer
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PostPosted: Sun Mar 23, 2008 5:19 pm 
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Joined: Thu Mar 13, 2008 7:52 pm
Posts: 13
Location: rockingham, WA
not sure if you'll all like it. or if anyone would read it for that matter..
but here ya'll go :)

Legend of the Validus Kantus.

Short story by Alex Magowan.

“… And we shall make sure that this is the last time they touch our land with their daemonic hooves.â€


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PostPosted: Sun Mar 23, 2008 5:30 pm 
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Joined: Wed Jan 31, 2007 8:18 pm
Posts: 2420
Location: Craigie, Perth, Australia
I quite like your short stories :D

When the heavy weapons marine says go i'll cover you. I think the apothecary would take his geneseed first :P Also i was reading in one of the ragnar space wolf books. Some marine fighting with his arm and half his head blown off.

Anyways if you added on this for when they fight the traitors i think it would be even better.

Catchya!

_________________
Gold, 14 and under youngbloods GD 2008
2008 Donkey 'con Lord of the rings Best General


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PostPosted: Sun Mar 23, 2008 7:06 pm 
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Posts: 3042
Location: On the ceiling
Not bad (first time?) though there are a few minor quibbles (minor mind you) so I'll point them out for you:
"Brother- Chaplin" its chaplain
"killing all Xenos in the immediate area" its just that later on their mutant/traitors... :wink:
"such a powerful hand help weapon" hand held maybe?
and depending what the marinegot shot with/where he got in the neck he could actually be fine due to his physiology (laramen cells ftw)
and no offence meant but marines simply wouldn't talk like that (going by Black library anyways) their more...formal (?) though hell they're your marines they can say what they want.


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